Wednesday, March 21, 2012

One Hell of A Weekend

There ought to a be a law against having this much fun; I hadn't been this active since Morehouse ('02 - '05). I suppose being single is a plus because it wasn't going to go down like this previously. I'm talking Friday night "1996" (Sean Paul performed live by the way), Saturday afternoon, Piedmont Park, Saturday evening, Tassa. Later Saturday night was the usual Thrive, followed by by a quick run out to 426 and Party Room down in Stone Mountain. Not to be outdone, I still managed to make it to Kool Runnings even after Party Room.

But there's no point in bragging about my social life, that would be boring. I'd rather talk about the other crap, the shit that happens behind the scenes, the silly things that make for fun stories. I often wonder why I end up being the focal point for nonsense, or why I seem destined to be a walking punchline, here for peoples' enjoyment. But either way, shit happens often, so here it is for your reading pleasure.

Brace Festival
I normally mind my own business in a fete, I try not to wine on any buttom I don't know. Though I might buy a drink or two for a pretty face, I basically keep it simple: wine, wine, jump, drink, wine, drink, jump, go home. Last Friday, with a few drinks in the ole keg, I figured hey, let me wine on something different. With my confidence level high from all the working out, I figured there'd be no harm to tiefin a wine. Still ever cautious, I reached for low hanging fruit (or so I thought), a mampi.

Honestly I didn't think a big girl could move that fast. I was barely on the buttom before she'd side stepped deftly and disappeared. Wow.......the thick thing had talent; crowd navigation is not one of my strong suits but somehow home-girl pulled it off. And here I was thinking I was doing her a favour. With that ability, I bet getting to the bar is no trouble for her; takes me thirty minutes just to figure out which direction to move in the first place..

Buying drinks is tricky as by the time you get back, either half of it splash on your shoe, or all the ice done melt. Worse yet, don't let me have to traverse a crowd with a hot pee. Though in hindsight, I think I understand how this works now. The larger the mass moving through a pliable medium, the lesser the effort required to travel. In other words, you're a crowd of people, I'm a bus (the mampi) moving in your direction, you'd move Right? No such luck for the guy on a bike.

Driveby Witnesses
After the party I headed to Lithonia to deliver a package to a friend.........because 5 am is totally appropriate for package drops (obviously because they were wide awake). Feeling a little peckish, I stopped at a QT for some doughnuts and coffee. Those of you living at home, QuikTrip or QT for short, is like a US equivalent to the doubles man. Same theory, you leave a fete tight like a wet pantie, you swing by the doubles man first. No doubles men here so it's down to Waffle House, IHOP and of course QT.

So as I'm pulling up to park, I notice a dark-coloured Honda Accord parked in the adjacent spot. A quick glance at the occupants reveals 5 adults, mid-fifties, early sixties dressed formally, suits for the men, dresses and hats, etc for the women. Odd......but whatever.

A cup of coffee and two donuts later, I'm walking back to the car and surprise surprise, the Accord's front passenger window rolls down. "Sir I want to tell you about our lord and saviour.....can I leave you with some reading materials?"

Allyuh not serious.................Jehovahs Witnesses?! Nah!!

Five o'clock in the bloody morning, Witnesses out erm......witnessing. I didn't have much chance for escape either, how could I? They were parked directly in front of the door, next to the Maxima. And, forgive me, but is it too much to ask that you exit the car before hassling me? It somehow feels like cheating when when I don't have to work too hard to dodge yet another Awake magazine.

This same group of JehWits swung by the house later but I was relieved to find that hiding behind the couch is still an effective countermeasure. They, as a result, seemed to be convinced that no one was home even though there were four cars parked on the driveway.

Go figure.



  1. LOL! I swear, i never hear "tight like a wet pantie" before...LOL

    it's always like ah animal bamsee

  2. Not that I have pantie wearing experience but I think you might be able to relate. You ever leave the beach, but instead of changing before you go, you just ride home wrapped in a towel and a wet bikini.

    Remember that feeling when you do get home? a wet er......bikini. :)

  3. lol and yes I normally say tight like fish bamcy but alas.

  4. Easy for the JW ..print some of the blog and hand back to de JW

  5. Lol, wham, you saying my blog is replete with enough debauchery to drive away the average JehWit?