Thursday, March 22, 2012

One More Thing

There is one additional circumstance I neglected to talk about yesterday. I had to think about whether I wanted to tell the story or not for fear of the drive by bitch slaps I'll probably get from my unusually passionate friends and family. Some people are serious about their Dwaynie.

But no sense in keeping it locked away, so here we go.

Bright and early Sunday morning after a hectic night (see previous post) a bredren and I decided to make a last minute Kool Runnings run. Again, there are no doubles men here so a 24 hour jamaican spot is the next best thing........especially when there's more alcohol in you than blood. Now as we're on the topic of blood, it is important to note that God blessed men with two "heads", but gave us only enough blood to run them one at a time. Be mindful of this fact while you read this story.

Standing in line eyeballing the ox tail, a young lady walks up to us. I say "lady" loosely as she was closer to "gyul." She struck me as untidy looking, disheveled, she'd sweated her hair out, her eyes were blood shot and she was clearly tight. She smelled good though, in a sort of Chanel meets hemp sorta way. All in all, not girlfriend material obviously but good for peg (we're all adults here).

The other head............
"Smallie whey yuh from?" Turns out she's one of those U.S. born children of trini parents. Whatever, inconsequential. Before I knew it, I'd offered to pay for her food and in no time she's sitting with the boys eating. One time you could tell something was wrong with this chick. No woman, drunk or sober eats in polite company with her nose literally down in the food. By the time she was done, there was a ring of bones, rice and cabbage around the plate.

"Which one of you fine gentlemen is going to walk me to my car?" Okay, I wonder where she parked?

"Party Room"

How the hell did she get from Party Room to Kool Runnings without her car? Its like three miles...........I'm thinking La Diablesse; I started sneaking glances under the table looking for the cow leg. At this point I didn't even care for an explanation. I just needed her gone. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't just leave her alone; she's bad news but I'm not an asshole. Home-girl was clearly in no condition to drive herself anywhere. I voiced my concerns and in response I got: "well you'll just have to be a nice boy and follow me home then."

My head is thinking:!!
My "other head" is thinking: "Hmm......What did I do with those condoms?"

Now we're on the 285 and my girl is booking it. Ninety-five mph and up, left indicator on......going right. Right indicator on.....going left. She tells me we're going to Duluth but we bypass I-85. Soon she's coming off on Peachtree Industrial but darts back on 285 at the last minute. Before I can react she drifts into the adjacent lane (it was occupied) and right before impact, jerks the car back and almost hits the person on the other she's fish tailing. O.O

I get her to come off on Ashford Dunwoody into a gas station. Conveniently her gas tank is empty so I'm like "stay here, gimme the money let me go pay for your gas." Oh, that's interesting, no gas money eh? What the hell was she planning to buy her food with then if I paid for it?
I offered her $10.........she demanded $15.
Before I knew it, the chick had pumped her $15 gas and drove off.
I got a call an hour later with a:

 "Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it......and oh by the way, I got another number, this isn't my phone, please don't call on this line, I'll text you the new number......kay bai."

I never heard from her again.


  1. Niceeeee.
    No problem ...
    yuh did de right ting ..
    Gas more expensive .. Bad peg is horrors !!!!

    1. I hear dat. I had a crazy one already, doh need another, not even for peg.